To me she is beautiful
by onmyside
Summary: How to you tell your fiancee that she is beautiful? And that you love her? Through a messenger like Mrs Patmore? Probably not. Yet that is exactly what has happened in episode 6.01. How do Carson and Mrs Hughes deal with this? And what went through their heads after the messages is relayed to Mrs Hughes. A little character study. Canon.
1. Tell her that she is beautiful

_misstressdickens over at tumblr asked for some canon Chelsie Fanfic a week or so ago. And although I am on a (permanent?) writing hiatus, I couldn't resist this time. This fic is not finished but olehistorian wanted something new to read... so I typed it into Word on this thunderstorm ridden night while listening to piano music... gothic novel, anyone?_

 **TO ME SHE IS BEAUTIFUL - I**

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Elsie could not think straight. Whenever she tried to focus on her thoughts on her work, concentrate on the rota in front of her, her mind drifted off.

Mrs Patmore had done her best in relaying the words he had said about her. _Tell her that to me she is beautiful._ A smile crossed Elsie's face when she thought about that particular part of the message. _I love her._ She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to stop herself from bursting into tears of happiness. She had never experienced the inner unrest that apparently came with being in love. She regarded herself as much too old to be going through all of this foolish giddiness. Yet she was also extremely happy at the same time that having such feelings was still possible at her age. And that these emotions were reciprocated amazed her even more.

They had known each other for decades. Worked together over such a long period of time. At the beginning she thought him aloof and pompous, his head always held high, back straight, voice booming whenever he talked. There was nothing quiet or gentle about him. But this first impression did not last very long. After their third or fourth night over a shared glass of wine, once she had been promoted to the position of housekeeper, she was able to see behind the façade. With every year that passed, she found out more about his likes and dislikes. Soon she knew what made him laugh and which topics to avoid in their evening talks. Because some of them led to endless discussions between them and though they brought her joy, she knew they were stressful for him. Especially when they talked about progress.

Their relationship developed slowly. Form being only colleagues, two servants too busy with their own work to have time for much else; to a friendship that allowed them to talk more freely about certain things. Most importantly, their conversations became more private, confidence grew between them as the years passed by.

Elsie tried to remember when this warm friendship had turned into a more significant relationship where they both knew they could trust each other fully. Once they had reach that understanding, she knew that they would grow old together. Not necessarily as husband and wife but at least in companionable, deep friendship. And that filled her with great happiness and pride. That such a man like Charles Carson held her in such high esteem, called her a friend and companion.

Love, this feeling deep down inside her, had developed much later but very gradually. It had taken her some time to recognize it as the feeling she had so far only read about. Many of the books described it in that silly, girlish manner she could never relate to. In fact, she had not taken these descriptions very seriously. They were fictional after all.

Ye now she was sitting here, thinking about some words a man had said about her. Just like one of the heroines in a novel. _I want us to live as closely as two people can for the time that remains to us on earth._ Elsie put her pen down. There was absolutely no use to continue with her work.

oxoxoxoxo

Had he made a fool of himself? Said too much to Mrs Patmore? The words were all intended for Elsie. She should have heard them directly from him not repeated by someone Elsie in form of a message. Especially that one sentence, the most important one, the one he had never said aloud to anyone.

 _I love her. I love you._

His heart still beat faster when he thought about it. Love, such a strong emotion, such an impossible emotion for someone like him. So many years of his life had he spent without even considering that he might not be a bachelor forever. Of course there had been their friendship, the only true and honest one he had ever had. But until that day when she had returned from the hospital with the good news of not having cancer, he had not thought about her as someone who was much ore than a friend. However, on that day he had been unable to name what he was experiencing. The realization hit him much later.

As was his nature, he had never allowed himself to act upon his feelings. Every strong emotion he had experienced after Alice had left his life had always been supressed. For a good reason, that's what he had always told himself. That ridiculously frivolous youth had cost him too many years of his life and too much pain to be repeated ever again. But maybe things would have gone another way sooner had he actually listened to what his heart told him.

Charles closed the book he had tried to read. He simply could not concentrate on the words any longer. The conversation he had had with Mrs Patmore yesterday still occupied his mind completely.

 _In my eyes she is beautiful._ Something else he should have said to her sooner and only to her. No wonder Elsie kept avoiding him. No wonder she kept postponing the decision about which day to choose for their wedding. She was probably disappointed and hurt that it had been Mrs Patmore who had told her all of this and not him.

Charles rubbed the bridge of his nose to get rid of the headache that started to develop. Never before had he experienced such an emotional roller coaster. He had always been the person who had his feeling completely under control. At least he thought he had. Apparently that was no longer the case.

* * *

 _perhaps tbc?_


	2. But if you are happy there

_WOW! Thank you SO much for all your support and the beautiful reviews! I know I haven't replied to them yet. But this week has been crazy so far and I haven't had much time for myself after work :(_

 _I listened to your pleas and here is chapter II!_

 **BUT IF YOU ARE HAPPY THERE - II**

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Sleep did not come easily to her that night. She lay awake in her dark bedroom, staring at an old, framed picture on her bedside table. One of her few precious possessions from her life before Downton was slowly fading. The edges were brittle and brown after so many years, the blacks had turned grey. She could no longer take the picture out of the frame anymore, too afraid the fragile print would break.

Elsie touched the glass with the tip of her finger. Her parents looked back at her with sincere and proud faces. Her dear mother sitting, dressed in her Sunday best with her father standing beside her. Usually Elsie stored this memory on the small desk in her room but since Charles' proposal at Christmas, she felt the need to look at this picture before she went to sleep. Her parents were long dead, in fact her father had not lived to her current age. No wonder with all the hard work he had endured all his life.

Sudden images of her mother waving her goodbye for the last time came to Elsie's mind. _When you're happy there, so be it._

Back then she was not sure if being in service really meant happiness or rather security, a roof over ones head, regular, nourishing meals, a steady income. Farm life had always been very different. As a young girl the outdoors were her playground, the animals her friends. She could leave the house and roam the fields whenever she wanted as was not needed in the stables. There were no walls keeping her inside all day. But the next harvest was always at stake so was the welfare of her family.

Yes, she was happier with a life in service and had her parents known how this happiness had developed over the decades Elsie had spent as an employee of rich, aristocratic families, they would not blame her for never returning to Scotland.

Her mother would have been so proud to know that her girl had found a man to marry, someone she loved and who lover her back. Late in life, at an age most of her ancestors had never lived to see, she had received the greatest gift: love.

Elsie once more reached out to touch her parent's faces. "I am happy here, mother", she whispered.

oxoxoxoxo

The early morning hours were the most difficult for him. Rudely awoken from a troubling dream an hour before he had to get up, Charles lay in his bed and stared at the dark ceiling. He could still see the images his subconscious mind had conjured up. In his dream, Elsie had laughed at him when he told her he loved her. Then she had turned away and walked down a dark corridor before she vanished. He called out her name but she never answered. She did not return and the loneliness that took hold of him afterwards was so painful that he could still physically feel it after he woke up.

She would never do that, Charles told himself. Elsie might turn him down after his foolish and cowardly behaviour. She might break off their engagement because he had been too afraid to tell her how he truly felt for her. And he could not blamer her for it. But she would never belittle him.

Wearily he got up, let his bare feet touch the cold floor to wake him from his sombre mood. He would make it through the day and maybe they would finally find a moment to talk in private. He had to know how she felt about him, what her plans were for their future. If they still had a future together.

He put on his robe and left for the bathroom. Going back to sleep was impossible anyway. That way he could start his day early and be the first downstairs after Daisy and Mrs Patmore. When he stepped into the corridor his eyes were inevitably drawn to look through the frosted window of the dividing door. All was still dark on the women's side. But then the flickering light of a single candle caught his eye. A shadow moved towards the door, came closer with every step until he could make out the silhouette.

So she also had troubles finding sleep.

Elsie stopped in front of her door and Charles wondered if she could see his shadow as well. He stepped away from the window, further into the darkness. But then Elsie blew out her candle and darkness covered both of them again. He listened to her steps, waited for the sound of her door opening and closing. Only then did he dare to move again and start his day.

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 _short, I know. There will be a third chapter and probably a fourth ;)_

 _Thank you for reading!_


	3. I've never been so sure

_FINALLY ! This is the final chapter. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I know I haven't replied to the reviews - but that's not because I am an arrogant bitch who doesn't care about them but because I simply have zero time for anything fandom related at the moment. So please accept this BIG HUG and glitter and unicorns and rainbows! 3_

 **I'VE NEVER BEEN SO SURE - III**

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They were alone at last. After an entire day of being too busy to take a moment for themselves, they were finally in his pantry, undisturbed. Outside, the lively music from the gramophone could barely compete with the joy and laughter coming from the servant's hall. But between them no such happiness and relaxation prevailed. Technically they had more than one reason to join the festivities. Anna and Mr Bates were free at last, Mr Carson had let her known that he loved her only a day ago. Had he not also told Mrs Patmore that he wanted more than a marriage of convenience? She had been over the moon when she heard what he had said about her and their relationship. But now the uneasiness between them was palpable. It was obvious to her that he did not share her relief, her happiness about their upcoming nuptials. All day he had been distant, almost cold and in a very sombre mood.

And now, before they even had the chance to talk about his words properly, he wanted to join the others again and not hear what she had to say. Elsie could suddenly see the hurt in his face, feel how his heart lay bare before her, shattered into pieces. How did they come to such a dreadful misunderstanding?

 _There'll be a bit of a nine days wonder but they'll get over it._ The words hit her forcefully. How did he get the impression that she wanted to call off their engagement? Why would she risk the one true happiness, the first time she had ever been in love? Just because he had not told her directly that he loved her? They were two people who had never truly talked about their feelings, who had hid behind that wall of propriety, always believing it was better that way, easier, appropriate. It clearly was not!

She had to stop him. Had to convince him that he had done nothing wrong, that she loved him in the same way he was in love with her. The words stumbled out, she had no control over them. No one had ever taught her how to speak of matters of the heart. There had been no lesson for it in the brief time she had been in school and life had never given her the opportunity either.

Elsie knew she had reached him when he turned to look her in the eyes. His scepticism had not fully vanished, there was still that hurt in his eyes and she wished it would disappear. It pained her to see it so clearly in his face. The last thing she had wanted to do was to cause him any heartbreak.

 _I've never been so sure of anything._ His statement was so heartfelt, so honest and strong. She was taken aback, forgot to breathe. Never had she imagined that such simple words would one day reach ever fibre of her body. One last time she had to tell him that she was ready, that she wanted it all. The full marriage, living a life as closely as two people could, sharing everything with him.

The kiss was unexpected, so unlike him, so spontaneous. Never had she received a more beautiful gift and she feared that it would stop any second. Love was the most wonderful feeling and she was so grateful to have found her one true companion.

oxoxoxoxo

She stood before him and appeared to be so small of a sudden, so unsure, just like he felt at this moment. Elsie did not say much, looked down at her feet, could not hold his gaze for long. Why were things between them so complicated at times? They knew each other well and yet their hearts spoke a language none of them understood. He wished he could read her easier, could understand how she felt one day. But right now he was not sure that day would ever come.

Perhaps it was better for them to end this dream before it had truly started. As soon as he had uttered the words that hurt him so much, he was not sure he could stay in the same room with her for much longer. But then her expression changed. She stared at him and held his gaze. Charles wanted them to be together so much. The thought of her ending their engagement was more painful than any injury he had ever suffered.

Then her words slowly sunk in and everything changed once again. She wanted him, she wanted _them._

 _I've never been so sure of anything._ Her smile was the most beautiful that had ever graced her face. And out of some basic instinct the only thing he could think of doing, after she had opened her heart to him, was to kiss her.

Of course he had kissed before, decades ago, in a different life. But it had never been like this: sweet and passionate at the same time, enjoyable and promising. She leaned into him so naturally as if they had never done anything else. When their kiss broke he did not want to let her go and placed another kiss on her forehead before he embraced her to hold her close.

She fit perfectly into his arms and felt so wonderfully warm. Charles never wanted to let her go ever again. He placed another kiss on her hair while his hands gently stroked her back. Her cheek on his chest felt comforting, her body pressed so closed to his was reassuring.

"I love you." It was only a whisper but it sounded as if she had shouted it out loud.

"And I love you, Elsie."

The lively music from the servant's hall did not reach him anymore, the world behind that door was suddenly no longer his only purpose in life. Work, the house, the Crawleys – it all came second from now on. She was the only person he wanted to focus on for the rest of his life.

oxoxoxoxo

The ring reflected the sunlight. She held her outstretched hand high above her head to admire it from afar. Jewellery was still something fancy and unnecessary. She owned one pair of earrings, a necklace and two brooches. But this ring was the only piece that was of importance. The rest of her belongings were silly trinkets compared to the shiny golden band on her finger.

Next to her, her husband moved and the mattress beneath her dipped when he rolled onto his side. She felt his warm breath on her cheek and his right hand came to rest on her belly. _To live as closely together as two people can._ They did exactly that and never had life been more perfect.

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 _ **THE END**_


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